We worry about problems, but worry is itself a problem. It inhibits clear thinking, it drains us of energy, it upsets our sleep and our digestion. It can make us irritable, bitter, regretful, pessimistic, depressed... What a price to pay for something that serves no useful function.
We learned to worry at a young age, but they were childish fears, but those childish fears carried on to adulthood. Worrying is about control, we all have a vision of how we want things to be, but when things or situations do not turn out as we expected we feel helpless and overwhelmed by an unpredictable and unkown future. We find it hard to let go of a problem, which then starts to contaminate our mind and thoughts. The truth is that we are our own worst enemy and many of our troubles are inside our head. We put the stamp of who we are on every preception. We see the world from the viewpoint of ourselves and in doing so our emotions and fears blurr our vision.
Worry makes cowards of us all. It forces us to turn away from acting upon a problem or indeed it may even create the illusion that the problem doesn't exist in the first place. Worry pushes us back into ourselves, reinforces the impression that the worst will happen, that we can't cope, that we are helpless in the flow of circumstances which carry us inexorable towards unhappiness.
All of us who have worried have become experts in it over the years. But worry itself is cunning, it is a distorting lens which hides from us the lessons it is teaching. It causes us to see an opportunity as a risk and a challenge as a problem.
Problems are often created and imposed upon us by other people or rather, by our inablility to prevent other people from loading that weight of trouble on our shoulders. We habitually and implicityly say 'yes' to problems, because many of us do not have the coping techniques to assert 'no'. Manuel Smith's 'When I Say No I Feel Guilty' is a useful and empowering book on assertiveness.
Potentially we have a great deal of control over the way we talk to ourselves. But frequently, the bleak melody of worry runs in our minds as a kind of background noise to our lives. The irony is that we don't even make an effort to eliminate it, but just listen to that same old tune of hopelessness and gloom. But by establishing a coping dialogue we can diminish and dispel the tedious repetitiveness of worry. Take time out every day to give yourself a pep talk. Be upbeat, confident, determined. Simply tell yourself with as much conviction as you can muster that you are going to take deliberate action to achieve what you can and refuse to be troubled by circumstances that are beyond your control.
Below are some tips on how to control your worring. I know from experience that this is not an easy thing to do, but with a little patience and perserverance you will soon be able to control your worrying instead of it controlling you.
Think about what is worrying you, and ask yourself what possible action you can take to aliviate the problem. Then take that action immediately.
To bring harmony into your life is to accept that some things are quite beyond our control. As the saying goes 'Change what you can change and accept what you can't'.
Worry thrives on inactivity and lack of choice, it lies coiled in quiet places. So launch yourself into a busy routine of work and leisure, by keeping your mind occupied on other things will give it less time to worry.
Worry also thrives on delay and procrastination, so take action against anything that worries you, put the same energy in solving problems as worrying about them and sufference will soon be a thing of the past. When you have taken all possible action then remember to let go of the problem.
Failure is an attitude, a state of mind. It is not reality. Cultivate a postive attitude and affirm to yourself your intention to succeed.
Worry closes doors and narrows horizons, its a fruitless activity but tenacious in the grip it has on our minds. So you have to be alert for positive opportunities.
The world isn't what we see, but what we think we see. And the way we see it determines the degree of happiness we enjoy each day. So start looking at life more positively, this isn't always easy to do but by forcing your mind to think positively it will eventually become a habit.
Our days can be problem-ridden, each problem bringing with it the burden of worry. But to know that a problem is a preception is already to have divested ourselves of some of its weight. Problems left unchecked flower in the mind but properly regarded, they are diminished, and we are free to invest our time and energy in living, rather than in profitless worrying.
In most cases, for most of the time, problems are simply thoughts in the imagination, without necessarily any firm basis in external reality. Worrying is a waste of our precious time, we cannot control events or circumstances, we can only do our very best in trying to solve the problem. So instead of using up your energy in worrying, use the energy to take action.
Worry is a guest which has stayed to long. It moves in invitied, and by its presence claims the right to stay. It is unwelcome, unwanted, burdonsome. And the irony of it all is that it creeps into our lives while we're still living there. Go in there and kick worry out. Take extreme measures - take any measures you know will succeed.
Some people will go to enormous lengths to avoid doing something they find embarrassing or difficult, tedious, unfamiliar, new. The trouble is that many problems just don't go away by themselves. In procrastinating, we hold ourselves back. We may wish the problem had never happened. But it has. And the only way through to a trouble free tomorrow is to tackle those troubles today.
Worry makes us think things can never change - except to get worse. While worrying, we can't solve the problem or enjoy the other aspects of our life, which might not be linked with the problem at all.
"The pearl is lovelier than the most brilliant of crystalline gems, because it is made through the suffering of a living creature..." *-- H. G. Wells
Monday, May 23, 2011
Ways To Get Over Your Need for Acceptance and Get on with Your Life
1. See Yourself as a Success
You’re probably familiar with that little voice inside your head that tells you you’re never good enough. Instead of letting that voice continuously judge what you didn’t do right; focus on an actual moment in your life that makes you feel wonderful.
This could be a moment at your wedding, the birth of your first child, or a great victory you achieved. Picture it as if you were living it all over again. Right before you think of this moment, say these words: “You know what this (say the bad feeling you are having right then) reminds me of? It reminds me of the time…
Then remember or in essence “live out” your great moment. End the moment with the words: “That’s what this reminds me of.” This is exactly what Olympic athletes have done for years to increase their physical performance. They see it first in their imagination and then they reach their goals.
2. Restore Your Self Confidence
The second key to getting over your need for acceptance is self-confidence. Confidence is the result of how you see yourself in your imagination. The way your nervous system makes you feel is the direct result of what’s going on in your imagination.
That’s why when someone describes a great meal; you begin to salivate even though there is no actual food in reality. To your nervous system, this “food” is more real than actual food itself. Since that’s the case, just think what would happen if you imagined yourself being successful and confident?
When you see confidence in your imagination, your nervous system believes you are confident which changes the vibes you give off. People will treat you better because they can feel your success and want to be around it. THIS is what actually makes you stop worrying about what others think of you. Those days of wishing someone would take an interest in you can now be ancient history.
3. Find a Career that Truly Fits “The Real You”
This step may seem like it has no connection to the previous steps, but it goes hand in hand with learning how to accept yourself. An easy way to build your self-confidence is to do what you truly were meant to do in life. What are you passionate about? What have others told you you’re good at?
To learn exactly how to do this, there is no better book than What Color Is Your Parachute? By Nelson Bolles. Just go to amazon.com and type the name of the book in the search box to find it. Match your talents to your career and see your confidence begin to increase every day!
4. Get “Back to the Basics”
Most people are not sure what happiness really is. Many say that money would make them happy. But it’s not money at all. People don’t want money! They want what money can BUY. They remember that buying new things makes them feel happy, but this is only one form of happiness. True happiness comes when you can make a difference in the life of another person and realize how much it meant to them.
Lending someone a helping hand not only brightens their day, but you will be able to reap the effects of, if only for a brief moment, true happiness.
Now that you know how to gain confidence by focusing on a positive memory instead of the negative voice inside your head, you’ll be able to give off the vibes that ATTRACT people to YOU. Instead of wishing and hoping for approval, you now know how to accept yourself by giving people what they need; a confident person who not only looks for the good in them, but also shows them how to see it too.
You’re probably familiar with that little voice inside your head that tells you you’re never good enough. Instead of letting that voice continuously judge what you didn’t do right; focus on an actual moment in your life that makes you feel wonderful.
This could be a moment at your wedding, the birth of your first child, or a great victory you achieved. Picture it as if you were living it all over again. Right before you think of this moment, say these words: “You know what this (say the bad feeling you are having right then) reminds me of? It reminds me of the time…
Then remember or in essence “live out” your great moment. End the moment with the words: “That’s what this reminds me of.” This is exactly what Olympic athletes have done for years to increase their physical performance. They see it first in their imagination and then they reach their goals.
2. Restore Your Self Confidence
The second key to getting over your need for acceptance is self-confidence. Confidence is the result of how you see yourself in your imagination. The way your nervous system makes you feel is the direct result of what’s going on in your imagination.
That’s why when someone describes a great meal; you begin to salivate even though there is no actual food in reality. To your nervous system, this “food” is more real than actual food itself. Since that’s the case, just think what would happen if you imagined yourself being successful and confident?
When you see confidence in your imagination, your nervous system believes you are confident which changes the vibes you give off. People will treat you better because they can feel your success and want to be around it. THIS is what actually makes you stop worrying about what others think of you. Those days of wishing someone would take an interest in you can now be ancient history.
3. Find a Career that Truly Fits “The Real You”
This step may seem like it has no connection to the previous steps, but it goes hand in hand with learning how to accept yourself. An easy way to build your self-confidence is to do what you truly were meant to do in life. What are you passionate about? What have others told you you’re good at?
To learn exactly how to do this, there is no better book than What Color Is Your Parachute? By Nelson Bolles. Just go to amazon.com and type the name of the book in the search box to find it. Match your talents to your career and see your confidence begin to increase every day!
4. Get “Back to the Basics”
Most people are not sure what happiness really is. Many say that money would make them happy. But it’s not money at all. People don’t want money! They want what money can BUY. They remember that buying new things makes them feel happy, but this is only one form of happiness. True happiness comes when you can make a difference in the life of another person and realize how much it meant to them.
Lending someone a helping hand not only brightens their day, but you will be able to reap the effects of, if only for a brief moment, true happiness.
Now that you know how to gain confidence by focusing on a positive memory instead of the negative voice inside your head, you’ll be able to give off the vibes that ATTRACT people to YOU. Instead of wishing and hoping for approval, you now know how to accept yourself by giving people what they need; a confident person who not only looks for the good in them, but also shows them how to see it too.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sucess ?
Success or failure often depends on belief. When you truly believe in something, it becomes truth. If you truly believe that you can succeed, you will. If you believe that you will fail, you are RIGHT too. A man is but a product of his thought, what he thinks he becomes said Mahatma Gandhi.
Whatever you can dream, you can achieve, if you truly want and strongly believe that you can achieve it. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tend to get what you expect.
You can only act upon what you can think of. You can't act upon something that is out of your imagination. So, you can only achieve what you really believe you can achieve. When you truly believe that you can achieve what you want to achieve, you will sooner or later acquire or achieve them. That how powerful belief is.
Like the old saying - when there is a will, there is a way. When you really need something badly and are CRAVING for it, your subconscious mind will trigger or force you subconsciously to find ways and means to get whatever your are craving for. Your feeling of incompleteness almost automatically force you to adjust your thinking process which moves you up to work for something that you strongly believe will satisfy your desires and needs.
Hence, the greater the thoughts and the stronger the beliefs that you can succeed, actually, empowers and motivates you. Thus, the stronger the beliefs that you can succeed, the more successful you will be in life.
Whatever you can dream, you can achieve, if you truly want and strongly believe that you can achieve it. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tend to get what you expect.
You can only act upon what you can think of. You can't act upon something that is out of your imagination. So, you can only achieve what you really believe you can achieve. When you truly believe that you can achieve what you want to achieve, you will sooner or later acquire or achieve them. That how powerful belief is.
Like the old saying - when there is a will, there is a way. When you really need something badly and are CRAVING for it, your subconscious mind will trigger or force you subconsciously to find ways and means to get whatever your are craving for. Your feeling of incompleteness almost automatically force you to adjust your thinking process which moves you up to work for something that you strongly believe will satisfy your desires and needs.
Hence, the greater the thoughts and the stronger the beliefs that you can succeed, actually, empowers and motivates you. Thus, the stronger the beliefs that you can succeed, the more successful you will be in life.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Respect
Everyone wants it: RESPECT
Here’s a “Basic Training” reminder about RESPECT:
RECOGNIZE the inherent worth of all human beings.
ELIMINATE derogatory words and phrases from your vocabulary.
SPEAK with people – not at them…or about them.
PRACTICE empathy. Walk awhile in others’ shoes.
EARN respect from others through respect-worthy behaviors.
CONSIDER others’ feelings before speaking and acting.
TREAT everyone with dignity and courtesy.
Here’s a “Basic Training” reminder about RESPECT:
RECOGNIZE the inherent worth of all human beings.
ELIMINATE derogatory words and phrases from your vocabulary.
SPEAK with people – not at them…or about them.
PRACTICE empathy. Walk awhile in others’ shoes.
EARN respect from others through respect-worthy behaviors.
CONSIDER others’ feelings before speaking and acting.
TREAT everyone with dignity and courtesy.
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